One day, Bauer Franz and his partner in gardening, EnkiBoris, decided to make some English Ale. This particular Ale was labeled as “Lord Nelson’s Real Ale” and the two heroes set about brew a batch of it. With them were the foreigners Michael d’Avian d’Buffalo and Jason of Somewhere. The four men worked hard, pouring in the malt syrup then boiling the water and pouring it into a great, white plastic vessel which they found buried in a nearby dungeon. They next poured the cold water in and stirred the contents of the mighty cauldron! “Boil, Bubble, Toil and Trouble!” screeched Jason of Somewhere as he stirred it around and around and then added “Like, ya know” (Our heroes believe he might be from Cali of Fornia). Bauer Franz then opened the packet containing thousands of tiny little monsters called “Yeeeests”, and the creatures burst forth, diving into the potion below.

 

More and more they stirred, and since stirring is hard work, they also drank beer (because let’s face it, heroes need beer). They then took the cauldron and placed it in the laboratory of the Garden House. There it would set for 4-6 days or until the bubbling ceased. At the 7th day, Bauer Franz returned and, pulling the cauldron out from it’s home, exclaimed “Let there be beer”! He poured some beer into a tube and tested it once, twice, three times, but alas, no alcohol was present! Perhaps the little monsters hadn’t dove in on their own accord after all? Perhaps they were already dead? Bauer Franz sat on the steps to the Garden, his head in his hand. Oh how would he solve this? What horrible magic had befallen him?

So he first called the Lord of Beer in Penns of Vannia. The Lord of Beer laughed at him “Foolish Bauer Franz! You either didn’t leave it long enough or your yeast was bad to begin with!” Bauer Franz was distraught, but the Lord of Beer offered a suggestion- “If you have more of the little devils from another packet, why not drop those in?”

Bauer Franz looked around. Did he have more? Then he realized, when the cauldron was delivered by DHL, the contents of the package also included hops pellets, malt and…the Yeeeeests! YES! It was then that EnkiBoris came along. Bauer Franz has told him what he has learned from the Lord of Beer and the two of them set about to try it, adding some sugar to the stew and putting in more of the Yeeeeests. They sat, staring at the cauldron, it’s lid on and it’s airlock securely fashioned for what seemed like and entirety (but was really more like half and hour). And then it happened….

“BUBBLES! THERE ARE BUBBLES” cried EnkiBoris and Bauer Franz looked up. Sure enough, bubbles arose through the airlock. The two heroes lifted the airlock lid a bit to smell the bubbles and it smelled like the little devils were happily farting away. Hurrah! It is alive! Bauer Franz and EnkiBoris then did a dance of praise to the Lord of Beer and had some nice sausages made by the local butcher as a feast.

 

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